Breaking the Fear Cycle

Fear is a strong deterrent. It’s scary. However, we can’t let fear stop us from reaching new prospects and goals. I have struggled with this a good deal. However, I find my fear isn’t justified. It’s difficult to do something different. We can’t let it stop us. Some of the biggest things I have stalled doing have led to some of the greatest changes in my life once I faced the challenge. A lot of times the only thing getting in the way of me doing something better is me. I get stuck in my own thoughts and all of a sudden, I’ve developed all these fears around something that hasn’t even happened or may not even happen. I know I can’t be the only one! These are things I have done to try to break that cycle.

Understand why I’m fearful- I know change can stress me out. It makes me uncomfortable and takes away my safety and what I’m familiar with. We want to be comfortable as humans. However, when I think about the times I have grown and accomplished the most, it was times when I became uncomfortable and had to grow and adapt if I wanted something. I understand I have typically avoided opportunities of growth and change because it makes me uncomfortable and fearful. What I also discovered was that I typically made the situation worse in my own head than it actually was in reality. I understand that a lot of my fears come from failing, not doing something perfectly, or feeling I would be judged.

Which leads me into my next step. In understanding myself, I have learned better how to “deal” with myself. I know I need to take control of my thoughts. It isn’t easy to do when my mind is racing 90 miles a minute, but I now have learned that this isn’t helpful for me. It’s actually a hinderance and could stop me from doing great things. So I make myself stop. Easier said than done though. It took me a good amount of effort in the beginning as I started, because my thoughts can go from simple to having played all the failure out and why I shouldn't do something in less that a minute. It has gotten easier as I have practiced this more. I stop myself from playing out all the horrible what if this goes wrong scenarios, what will other people think of me, what if I fail, or allowing my mind go to the negative side of the situation. I have come to accept that “failure” in and off itself can actually be a good thing. Sometimes things fail and save us in the long run. Sometimes it doesn’t go right so we can learn a valuable lesson that will serve us in the future. By staying safe and not making choices or decisions we are actually damaging ourselves more. If you fall, pick yourself back up again, look at what didn’t go the way you wanted, how can we fix it, and keep moving. Life and our experiences aren’t meant to be a straight line. They have up’s and down’s for a reason. If we can have appreciation instead of fear for the down times, it can allow us to learn more, become stronger, and know we are capable of so much more! I now understand “failing” isn’t the end either. It’s just a stepping stone along my path.

Once we examine and understand ourselves we can challenge ourselves. I know when I’m playing it safe and avoiding. It is hard not to stay comfortable. When I think about the times I have grown the most it is when I’ve been uncomfortable. Sometimes at first I was practically forced into that situation, but as I’ve grown and experienced more the initiative comes from me and not forced on me. I have noticed that typically the fear in my head has been worse than anything that actually came out of something that has changed. A small example would be when I needed to look at leaving night shift. Aside from not wanting to leave my work family, it was familiar to me and what I knew. It scared me to think about going to a different job in a field I didn’t know with people that I didn’t know. That fear was so great that I almost didn’t leave because to me at the time I at least knew my work, my people, and hey I could make it longer on night shift. I mean I had been doing it for six years, what’s a few more! I even started to convince myself that I would actually get more time with my kids if I stayed on nights. Unfortunately, the time I was getting with them I was often exhausted and grumpy. Then I even went the financial route, that I should stay on nights because I would make better money staying on nights. Well truth be told sometimes a change for the better can be worth taking less money. I finally listened though to what my body, heart, and mind were telling me. Staying where I was wasn’t good for me, it wasn’t good for my family, and something needed to change. I needed to face my fear of the unknown, stop fearing the judgement, and stop planning my failure at a new position. I still miss parts of my former job and definitely the people, but I know my body and mind are healthier because I’m off of nights and my family also gets the benefits from that. It has truly changed our family for the better, and a lot of that change came from me doing what would make me healthier in the long run. The time I get with my family is quality time and we can enjoy ourselves better now that I’m healthier mentally, physically, and spiritually. If I had let fear keep me from doing what I knew in my heart I was needing to do because I was safe and comfortable, I wouldn’t have grown to where I am now.

So let’s not let fear keep us from doing what we need to grow and let’s do all we can to Sparkle Up Buttercup!!